How do you decide to be with someone for a year? Two years? There are so many people out there. Men, women, beautiful options walking past me on the daily. How does one decide that they are no longer going to be available to the masses. I have never been off the market. I have never taken myself out for longer than a few months. I have no bloody idea how to do it.
I am 25 years old and getting kinda worried that I won’t ever know how. Will I be an aged George Clooney when I grow up? Childless and man-less. Or womanless. I still don’t know if I’m a lesbian. Its fine for a guy to grow up to be George- but a woman just can’t. She can’t be the sexy bachelorette for her entire life. It’s not socially acceptable. Even though that’s what I have always been. I have always been the single girl. The girl who enjoys her time alone, who knows how to get a date when I want one- but would really prefer to watch movies on her couch alone. Apparently that’s wrong. That’s not what I’m supposed to enjoy.
I like time spent on my own. I’ve never had a problem with it- and I guess up until recently- I didn’t know other people did. Other people can’t stand not having something to do with someone. That’s been my whole life- I don’t know anything different. Don’t get me wrong- I have a great group of friends that keep me active and social. But I’ve never really learned to settle down with one person. If I get sick of a friend- I just don’t call them for a while, or we don’t hang out. There’s no commitment to forcibly having to hang out. In a relationship you have to hang out, or at least offer up an excuse if you don’t want to hang out. I don’t like that.
That guy that I was dating kinda made this city a lot better. I was rediscovering the city and enjoying new things about it. I miss that. I miss doing fun things with someone who liked spending time with me. Who liked holding my hand and kissing my forehead. I really miss that. I don’t know if I miss him. We didn’t laugh all that much together. I didn’t really thing he was so funny. But he treated me really well & made me feel beautiful.
Not feeling so hot. Wish he would call. I would change for him. I would have given commitment a go with him.
